days in.10.20
Recently I came across a verse in the Bible. It says,
“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.” – 1 Peter 2:1
I generally think of myself as an honest person. I do my best to always speak the truth in a loving way. And I try to be honest about how I feel or what I may be going through with others and myself. I hate seeing people put on fake smiles, or hearing the “I’m fine, just tired” statement- although, I am guilty of it, but it is something I actively try hard not to do.
That being said, there has been something I’ve been noticing in myself. A type of hypocrisy that creeps in when I feel hurt.
There have been times when I felt alone, abandoned or hurt by friends. I wonder, why does no one see that im hurting or feel discouraged. I start to judge people in my heart for their selfishness; for their lack of sensitivity. It makes me frustrated and sometimes angry. I start to recollect all the “good deads” I did for them as if wondering when they’re going to pay up. Of course, when those acts of kindness were done nothing was expected in return, but somehow, later on, hurt starts to put price tags on things were originally free.
Pain can also blind your eyes – as I’m starting to realize. I can be so absorbed in my own self-righteousness and my own self-pitty that I stop wondering if I’m in the wrong. This is so dangerous. I find myself wanting to back away from people and retract instead of pursue healing. I take on an “I dont need you” attitude, instead of communicating myself to them in a constructive way.
The more I thought and prayed about it, God started to ask me the question, “and what about you?” As I sat there wondering how people could be so oblivious to my pain, it hit me, am I oblivious to theirs?! Ugh! So simple! How could I not see?! Pride built up its tall walls to protect me from getting hurt, but at the same time blinded me to everything and anything outside of myself.
This realization started to change my perspective so much. I started to remember that I am very much human too, haha. Surprise, surprise… I started to realise that maybe, just as people hurt me without knowing it, I have done the same! Uh-oh. Could it be that I hurt someone and am totally ignorant of it? Yes, its very possible.
All of this has made me want to grow in my sensativity towards others’ circumstances. I want to do my best to be aware of people’s bad days and hurt feelings. I want to communicate my pain to people who have hurt me so they have the freedom to do the same, and so that relationships will last and grow and not be destroyed by surpressed hurt. And lastly, anytime I accuse someone of something, I want to make a habit of flipping it on myself to make sure I’m not guilty of that same thing.
Talking with my mama always puts things in perspective. One night, as I communicated my hurt to her, she challenged me to concider the “why”. Why do people do what they do. I, honestly in that moment, could not care less. I, me, was the one hurting!! The other person was wrong to say what they said and do what they did. In her gentleness, she reminded me that I had every right to feel hurt, and yes, they were wrong, but I needed to have grace and try to understand the why. Trying to understand the why may make you realize that you aren’t that different from them after all, and that you should offer them the same grace and forgiveness you yourself will need one day.
There are “all kinds” of deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander- all of which are destructive. May we all take time to consider, “what about me? What is in my heart that needs to be rid of?”
Soul Food 