Well, what a week! Things can change so quickly it’s incredible! One day you wake up, brush your teeth, drink your coffee and assume that it’s going to be a very normal day then, boom! Everything changes. All your plans are thrown out the window. I know, your already thinking, “what did COVID do this time?…”. Basically what happened was, on a fairly normal Friday morning I was making my way to class when our boss announced that we have a COVID-positive dancer and we all need to leave the theatre immediately and self isolate for 10 days!
I was shocked. Up until this point our company had hardly been touched by COVID. In the midst of a worldwide pandemic we had successfully kept the theater doors open, premiered two ballets and stayed healthy even with rising cases! To be honest, it was almost a miracle that we made it so far! I guess it’s easy to get comfortable and think you’re untouchable.
Ironically, I was talking with a colleague earlier that morning about how incredible it was that we made it so far COVID-free, but we also discussed our desire to get back on stage again ASAP (they had recently cancelled shows). He commented on the fact, that ballet is such a short career. I knew what he meant… there is no time to waste. It’s something that had been at the back of my mind for last year or so. Something like a pandemic can be, or seem to be, a huge speed bump in a dancer’s career.
During our isolation, my flat mate and I watched a documentary called Restless Creature. It was about New York City Ballet’s Wendy Whelan, and her retirement years. It was such a bittersweet movie. I walked away inspired, but also thinking, “I do not want to be like her!”. Her passion, dedication, artistry, resilience, and humanity was so moving. It made we want to get up and work hard the next morning. To see the way she impacted lives and created art… wow. But on the flip side, it was heartbreaking watching her walk through the process of letting go of her greatest love. She slowly watched her god die and everything she lived for slip through her fingers. It was almost a grievous process, realizing that no amount of love or passion could keep her body from breaking. No matter how much she worshiped ballet, it wouldn’t allow her to dance forever.
I do not want to go through that. I don’t want my hope to be built on something so fragile as my own ability, health, or age. I don’t want my worth to be tied to how many good roles I performed or how many achievements I attained. It’s too a great burden to bear and it too easily leads to a life lived in fear.
Over the New Years God spoke these verses to me,
“Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. 22 For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own.” – 1 Samuel 12:21-22
I had recently started comparing my life to others: I measured my accomplishments against those around me and felt like I was failing. I had this sudden urge to be successful, and I was scrambling to find ways on how to make that happen and make it happen now! I began to feel weighed down by unachieved ambitions, by a sense of discouragement. And that was when I realized I had turned my beautiful dreams, my beautiful job, into a useless idol. No person, no job, no bank account balance, no role can bear the weight of my heart and of my identity. They never were meant to. Only God can do that. God is the only one worthy of my hearts full dedication, love, and devotion. The moment I realized that, it filled me with sense of FREEDOM and peace… All of a sudden my identity was, simply, in being His and in living out the good works He has called me to. So what am I saying? Never work hard? Never love? Never pursue your dream? Never get married? Since it will all let you down anyways, you can just chill knowing you’re a child of God? Haha noooooooo! This is the cool part! These verses continue to say,
“But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you.”
Because, your heart is in God’s hands you’re safe to live life to the fullest, “with all your heart”! To just go for it! Love hard! Because He loves you. He will give you love for difficult people, teach you to love wisely and heal the hurt caused by unloving people. Pursue your dreams! “It’s hard to steer a parked car” as they say. Chase your dreams with a humble heart and let the Creator of your life lead you into the fulfillment of it. Work hard! Because, one, God is honored by hard work, and two, even if you “run” for Him, and completely face-plant, He’s going to pick you up and teach you how to fly.
“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:30-31
When you give your life to God, and live for Him, not even COVID can stop you from living out the amazing plans God has for you.
Soul Food 