19.11.19
Ahhhhhhhhhhh. The last few days I have been too busy for my own good. Between work, meetings, appointments, trying to keep up with my friends, it’s been a lot. In general, I’ve been feeling a need to “be still”, to slow down a bit, to pray more, to spend time with God, but it’s been such a battle. I just can’t seem to get everything done. And on top of that, I keep forgetting about things I need to do! It’s like there’s no space in my brain and things just keep falling out. Like today, I completely forgot that I am supposed to teach a girls Bible study- tomorrow! I haven’t even prayed for it, let alone study! And what I should talk about, I have no idea… So when do I prepare? Tonight is a no, I already committed to another event; that means I have to cancel gym tomorrow, which is fine, but I was just feeling motivated and wanted to push my body. On top of that my normal morning routine hasn’t been happening the last few days, because I need to buy a new journal, and, guess what, forgot about that too. I forgot about a coffee date I had arranged, forgot to reply to my dear friend who is in Iceland at the moment. Finally, I wrote back today, and we arranged to call on the weekend. Yay! Brain don’t fail me now. The last thing I want is for my friends to feel uncared for or forgotten! That would just be the worst. (I know some of you are thinking, have you ever heard of a calendar? Turns out sometimes you look at it then forget five minutes later..)
What’s hilarious is that today I’m writing on the first page of a fresh new journal. The last page of my previous journal ended with an inspired and confident Abby, and this one opens with a very flustered and frustrated Abby. Haha gotta laugh at myself sometimes. Two days without my devo time can make all the difference I guess. And just to add to the humor, I’ve been reading a book about the important balance of work and rest, and it feels like the more I read it, the busier I get…ironic I know. It’s as if God is trying to tell me something…
What does one do in the middle of all of this chaos? Call their mama. At least that’s what I do.
I unloaded my concern onto her and as always she pointed me to the One who has the solutions and grace I need. Her words to me felt like a breath of fresh air and as she prayed I felt my perspective take its proper place once again.
She reminded me that I can still take everything to God, even a messy schedule. So I did.
My life right now isn’t horrible or broken; In fact, I’m simply trying to balance a lot of good things. It’s just a bit knotted and tangled at the moment. So,
“I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.’”
-Psalm 91:2
Thankfully no tangled mess scares God, and there is no knot He cannot undo. He actually invites us to give Him our mess because He cares for us.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
-1 Peter 5:7
Today I felt so beat down with thoughts like, “why can’t I do better?”, “How could I forget?”, “It’s just not good enough.” And now I realize that God’s thoughts toward me are so different. So much more hopeful and encouraging, full of grace. I’m so glad He’s not that angry man in the sky that so many think He is. But rather a Father, who cares for, corrects and strengthens His kids for their journey.
Soul Food 